The sum of our experiences.

I've had a post on hold for about three days regarding a life experience. I'm unsure about it, as I've learned my lesson about the internet having an eternal memory. The post doesn't bother me in the slightest, but it may bother some of my family members, or may be a bit much for some of my readers.

I truly believe we are all a sum of our experiences, and I've had some doozies. I've had extreme ups, and extreme downs. I've partied like a rock star (quite literally), and been beaten down by life and put in some of the worst situations imaginable. Maybe that is better worded as "put myself" in some of the worst situations imaginable. I've been very rich and very poor. I've owned businesses and been to the food shelf. I've had seven figures in a bank account and I've been overdrafted. I've slept on $500 sheets and on a concrete floor. I've worn Versace gowns and shopped the Goodwill (out of necessity, not coolness). I've done shots with Jay-Z in New York and drank moonshine in Missouri with the hillbillies. I've had many friends, and been to points where I've alienated everyone in my life. I've driven brand new luxury cars and I've driven decade-old beaters. I've eaten at the best restaurants in the country, and I've gone hungry. I've traveled on a yacht to Bimini and a rowboat to go fishing with my Dad. I have one child with special needs, and one without (thus far). I've been married and divorced (and married again). I've prayed, and I've cursed God.

I've had everything, and I've had nothing.

Not many people can relate to this - not many people "get" me, and I think this is because I am the sum of these experiences. I have a very dry and often insensitive sense of humor. Not much surprises me. I can figure people out in a matter of minutes. I don't let a lot of people into my life, but for whatever reason blogging publicly - because there is no personal contact - is fine with me. I actually think it's kind of fun. It gives me an outlet for my thoughts without actually having to interact.

Sometimes I am jealous of what I like to call "normal" people. People that don't carry this baggage and this history. People that are liked by all, people that naturally "fit in", people that always say the right thing at the right time. I watch people like this (I love to people watch) in public places and their normalcy both bores me and entertains me at the same time. I can't imitate it though - trust me, I've tried tirelessly. I'm absolutely incapable of small talk. If it's not relevant or interesting, it's not worth the energy of opening my mouth.

I guess my point is this - to the people that read this blog, my Facebook posts and my infrequent Twitter updates (I still think Twitter is the dumbest thing ever invented) - you probably won't always get what I'm putting down. I'm okay with that. If you don't like it, don't read it. If it's too much for you, I'm good with that. If you don't like me, I'm fine with that as well. But, I'm a sum of my experiences, good and bad. So are you.