The tutu Mom.

I've always sworn I would never, EVER make a tutu.
I've become the tutu-making Mama that I said I never would become.

It started innocently. I made one tutu. Just one. Just for a project to kill some time because the b&b spring line is in production and I have some extra time on my hands.

I put a picture of said tutu on Facebook, and that was the end of it. The response was huge, and I took about five orders within a matter of 24 hours. Uh-oh. I'm officially a hypocrite.

I've always poked a little fun at Moms who make tutus. They don't require any sewing skill, and I always scoff at any project that calls for fabric and the use of a hot glue gun. I saw the whole tutu-making idea as unoriginal, too easy and kind of along the lines of hosting a Tupperware party. However...now I kind of get it. It's fun. It's creative. It's kind of like going into a pet store and seeing a tiny little fluffy puppy that you don't intend on going home with, but you do, because it's just so adorable you can't resist it. They're just so darn cute.

There's regular tutus, petti-tutus, sewn tutus, rose-petal filled tutus, ribbon tutus...I confess to having an absolute blast making them. I DID figure out my own little way of making them that does require a little more skill and time than the typical method, so I feel a little bit better about the construction end not being too hokey. I make them with tons and tons of tulle so they are super full and of higher quality then most (I still have yet to figure out why some people charge $40+ for a regular tutu with less tulle then I use). I can add whatever detail I want and use about a million different crafty-type doo-hickeys. I have a million ideas and I can't spit out samples fast enough. I've even figured out how to make eco-friendly tutus for b&b, but those will be on hold until next fall.

I will say that I have no intentions of starting a "tutu business" or selling them on Etsy. I want it to stay fun and not become work, or I know I'll lose interest. So, I will continue to make tutus for my friends and for friend's of friends. Here are some of the cute ones I've done so far:

To those of you blessed with perfect skin...

You suck.

Like many of us, I ruined my skin when I was young. Between sun exposure and not knowing that you weren't supposed to mess with pimples, I am now blessed with an uneven skin-tone and scarring. I curse those of you with perfect skin.

I also went through my youth unaware that the acne I had was cystic acne - very different from topical acne. These painful pimples form underneath the skin and are much larger than the typical zit. They require a different skincare routine than acne that forms at the skin's surface.

It took me years to find a skin routine that reduced my breakouts - I saw several dermatologists, and the topical creams prescribed never seemed to work. Micro-derm was helpful but very irritating. I spent thousands of dollars on high-end product with no results.

I HAVE finally found a routine that works. It doesn't completely cure my breakouts, but it reduces them tremendously. This is what I use on a daily basis:

For basic washing and moisturizing, Neutrogena Acne Wash (I buy the generic Target version, works just as well) and Oil of Olay moisturizer have kept breakouts at bay. With all of the money I've spent on designer cleansers and moisturizers, I find it almost comical that what ended up working best comes from the drug store and costs me less than ten dollars.

Makeup, however, is very different. This is where I end up dropping some dough. If I were to put drug store makeup on my face I'd see acne start forming within a matter of days. I use Dermablend foundation and powder - it covers my scarring quite well and is oil-free. I also use an eco-friendly concealer that I purchase via Etsy from Herban Luxe.

I'm in love with Urban Decay for the eyes - their primer is amazing. My skin gets super oily and even my eyeshadows can start to smear and run during the day do to oil. The Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer keeps everything in place. Their eyeshadows (I love Midnight Cowgirl) are glittery and go on super smooth. Mascara is the only makeup I can buy from the drug store. Right now I use the Falsies one by Maybelline, but I tend to switch often. Last but not least - Bobbi Brown bronzer. I don't like using a pink blush as my skin already has a reddish tone. The BB bronzer is light and not super noticeable - a lot of bronzers on the market go on super dark which makes them difficult to work with.

I'm not a fan of makeup, therefore I have a super easy routine and don't change it up much. I'd HIGHLY recommend any of these products - if you don't like looking like you're wearing a lot of thick makeup, they are absolutely amazing. Also, if you have cystic acne, I'd recommend the basic Neutrogena wash and Olay moisturizer.

I'm also trying a new herbal remedy recommended by the fabulous (and perfect skinned) Elizabeth Dehn, beauty editor at MN Monthly and blogger at Beauty Bets. I contacted her a few days ago because I made the HUGE mistake of trying a new cleanser last month (Target was out of mine) and my skin went into meltdown mode. She suggested an herbal remedy - a cocktail concoction of vinegar, lemon and water -

APPLE CIDER VINEGAR “COCKTAIL”
2 T. Braggs apple cider vinegar (raw/organic)
Squeeze of lemon juice
Touch of honey (optional)
12 ounces of water

I'm on day three of this cocktail and have seen some amazing results...I'm going to continue it for sure!

The sum of our experiences.

I've had a post on hold for about three days regarding a life experience. I'm unsure about it, as I've learned my lesson about the internet having an eternal memory. The post doesn't bother me in the slightest, but it may bother some of my family members, or may be a bit much for some of my readers.

I truly believe we are all a sum of our experiences, and I've had some doozies. I've had extreme ups, and extreme downs. I've partied like a rock star (quite literally), and been beaten down by life and put in some of the worst situations imaginable. Maybe that is better worded as "put myself" in some of the worst situations imaginable. I've been very rich and very poor. I've owned businesses and been to the food shelf. I've had seven figures in a bank account and I've been overdrafted. I've slept on $500 sheets and on a concrete floor. I've worn Versace gowns and shopped the Goodwill (out of necessity, not coolness). I've done shots with Jay-Z in New York and drank moonshine in Missouri with the hillbillies. I've had many friends, and been to points where I've alienated everyone in my life. I've driven brand new luxury cars and I've driven decade-old beaters. I've eaten at the best restaurants in the country, and I've gone hungry. I've traveled on a yacht to Bimini and a rowboat to go fishing with my Dad. I have one child with special needs, and one without (thus far). I've been married and divorced (and married again). I've prayed, and I've cursed God.

I've had everything, and I've had nothing.

Not many people can relate to this - not many people "get" me, and I think this is because I am the sum of these experiences. I have a very dry and often insensitive sense of humor. Not much surprises me. I can figure people out in a matter of minutes. I don't let a lot of people into my life, but for whatever reason blogging publicly - because there is no personal contact - is fine with me. I actually think it's kind of fun. It gives me an outlet for my thoughts without actually having to interact.

Sometimes I am jealous of what I like to call "normal" people. People that don't carry this baggage and this history. People that are liked by all, people that naturally "fit in", people that always say the right thing at the right time. I watch people like this (I love to people watch) in public places and their normalcy both bores me and entertains me at the same time. I can't imitate it though - trust me, I've tried tirelessly. I'm absolutely incapable of small talk. If it's not relevant or interesting, it's not worth the energy of opening my mouth.

I guess my point is this - to the people that read this blog, my Facebook posts and my infrequent Twitter updates (I still think Twitter is the dumbest thing ever invented) - you probably won't always get what I'm putting down. I'm okay with that. If you don't like it, don't read it. If it's too much for you, I'm good with that. If you don't like me, I'm fine with that as well. But, I'm a sum of my experiences, good and bad. So are you.

Mama-liscious Meatballs

I don't think I've ever posted twice in one day, but this one is worth it. Faith and patience, peeps.

I'm feeling a bit better this evening. My list went to shmit, but that's okay. I accomplished a couple other things on my crap list so I'm feeling pretty good. However, I did mourn the death of my favorite pair of Joe's this morning - a worn part of the knee finally tore. I guess I can add find another favorite pair of jeans to my crap list.

But onto my point of this happy post.

Meatballs are awesome. I love Jersey-style meatballs. I learned to make sauce and meatballs from my ex's Sicilian mother and grandmother when I lived in Jersey. I'm going to share with you my "recipe", but it doesn't involve measuring cups so bear with me.

First, the sauce is easy - use a large stock pot.

2/3 large white onion, chopped (yellow onions are nasty)
2 spoonfuls (heaping) of minced garlic
3 swirls of olive oil out of the oil dispenser
2 large cans tomato sauce
1 (or 2) cans diced tomatoes
(you can blanch your own tomatoes and smash them, but it takes about 15+, and they aren't in season right now)
fresh basil (or just seasoning)
oregano
salt

The key with the sauce is your garlic and onions - put your garlic and onions in the pot and throw in your swirls of oil. Saute on medium heat until your onions are clearish but BEFORE your garlic is brown. When garlic browns, you lose flavor. When onions start to get clear, you ADD flavor.
Add the sauces and diced tomatoes, and let it heat again.
Toss in minced basil (to almost cover the top of your sauce), oregano (a little less than the basil), and salt (a little less than the oregano). Stir it in. Let it heat again for about 15 minutes. Sauce is super easy - people over-complicate it.

Now for the meatballs.

2 - 3 lbs lean ground beef
basil
oregano
fresh parm
2 - 3 eggs
bread crumbs
ricotta (optional)

First thing first, and the biggest mistake people make - DO NOT BROWN OR SAUTE YOUR GOD DAMN MEATBALLS. They do not belong in a saute pan, they get dropped directly into the sauce. Second, you really can't OVER-season sauce or meatballs, but you can very easily under-season. If you're in question, add more.
Throw your ground beef in a mixing bowl and add minced fresh basil (or just seasoning, but fresh is always better) and oregano - enough to almost cover your meat. Add about a half a handful of fresh grated parm. I like to toss in a couple of spoonfuls of ricotta. Use two eggs if your ground beef is on the lower end of the weight, 3 if on the higher. I would estimate you want about a quarter cup of bread crumbs. Then, dive your hands in and mix. You want them to be sticky - not sopping wet, but sticky. If it's too wet, add more bread crumbs. Smush them into 1.5-2.5 inch balls and toss them in your sauce (ha - that sounds like it could be dirty).
Cook them for at least an hour and a half on low heat if you made them smaller, two hours if you made them larger. Personally, I let mine sit for three hours if they are on the larger side. I just kind of move them around a little bit as they cook to make sure they stay buried in the sauce. I call ones that pop back up "turtles", and push them back under.

My recipe makes a lot - but I always make extra because the leftovers are gone within a day in our house.

I'd love to insert a picture here, but I licked my bowl clean. :)

In my head.

Sometimes my head gets overwhelmed with thoughts. These thoughts can be random or focused, but either way they are overwhelming, and they put me at a standstill as my brain just can't seem to process all of them at once. If they came intermittently, I'd be okay, but when my head overflows, this is not a good place to be. I end up on auto-pilot, which is not helpful to anyone around me, personally or professionally.

Getting back on track is difficult when this happens, but it can be done. It usually means I have to slow down for two or three days, regroup, make a list of what the priority thinking pieces need to be and then rejoin life again with my normal ninja speed. And so begins the processing of all the crap in my head...

This is my current crap list:

1. Getting our b&b spring kids collection done. Last time I checked it is March already.
2. Possibly doing a full women's collection per the mention of a VIP. This is a huge commitment.
3. I made some promises I can't keep.
4. I want to move.
5. I don't want to move out of Logan's school district.
6. I need to move Jax out of our room and into Logan's.
7. To do the above, I need to either move both kids into our larger room and possibly build a temporary wall, or keep them in the smaller room and curtain off Jaxie's crib. Both involve shopping and quite a bit of my time, a difficult commitment while on auto-pilot.
8. I need to go to Abercrombie and exchange Logan's sweatshirt and get him clothes for next year while they are on sale.
9. I need new sweats.
10.I want to make said sweats with some of the organic fleece sitting upstairs as I can't find any I like, and our fleece is ultra-soft. Another time commitment.
11.I need to go to the thrift store and find some fabric for some upcycled pieces I'm working on. More time.
12.Thoughts about a b&b storefront have been discussed and are taking up some brainspace.
13.I need to discuss some of these things with my friends, but everyone seems too busy with their own stuff. I'm feeling a little alone.
14.My husband has been home for 5 weeks after shoulder surgery, and will be home for a minimum of another four weeks. Any other SAHM/WAHM would understand the difficulty in this with no explanation needed.
15.Jax has again gone up a size in clothing and I need to buy more. Already and again.
16.Logan has been holing up in his room, and I need to make sure he has more family time.
17.Logan is also behind on some of his assignments at school, and I need to stay on top of this.
18.Jax is in the process of going down to one nap a day, and I can't get him on a new schedule for the life of me.
19.I haven't been sleeping well. Probably due to all of the above.
20.I need to make a doctor's appointment.
21.I need a prescription refill.
22.My husband may be going back into the military. What will this look like for our family?

Now, bear in mind that this list does not include all of the random thoughts that come up throughout my day - such as dealing with the b&b daily business, changing poopie diapers, making dinner, running necessary errands and brushing my teeth.

I'm well aware of what I need to do when my life gets like this - make a list of three things that need to be done everyday and cross them off of that list. So here is today's list:

1. Finish two upcycled items.
2. Exchange Logan's sweatshirt, and while there purchase a few items for next fall.
3. Play a game with Logan.

This covers most bases.

Tomorrow I'll make another list, pray for patience and direction (again) and just keep swimming (thank you, Dory).

The other side of the camera...

It's been a new experience for me photographing many of our pieces and being on the other side of the camera. At one point in my life, I was always the one being photographed. But now, I couldn't imagine being anywhere other than where I am now. I love designing and photographing - it's just a natural place for me to be right now. Maybe it's age, maybe wisdom, maybe neither, maybe both...but I'm happy.

We finally finished our first b&b high fashion piece, and last minute at that. I received an invitation for a charity design competition in LA, and decided to take the plunge into women's couture. What the hizell, right? Nothing to lose. Drawback was the invitation was received last week, then my fabric didn't arrive till Friday, and the submission was due last night. I'm pretty darn sure my seamstress wanted to hurt me...

Our intentions were to have it fitted and finished on Sunday to photograph that afternoon, but because my model was SO tiny, we had to make several adjustments that led us into Monday.

The material is totally luxe - a 65% hemp 35% silk charmeuse blend. The garment has an off shoulder top, hidden side closure, fitted bust and banded waist with a long side tie. The pant is a separate piece - a wide leg palazzo. I absolutely adore it, but because it was finished sooooooo last minute - yesterday at 5:30 with no good light left, and about an hour of mediocre light - I couldn't take my pictures until early in the evening. As I was waiting for it the final adjustments to be made, I got increasingly tense as I watched the sun drop, and drop, and drop.....
But, after some photoshopping, the first round of pictures turned out tolerable. Not great by any definition, but tolerable considering the situation.

If we continue to do high fashion, you'll definitely see a lot of wide leg pants - I'm obsessed with them. I also like to be comfortable, so silk blends and jerseys will be a staple. All organics and eco-friendlies, as usual.